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A Three-Step Dance that pleases Christ
If you have ever taken dance lessons, you’ll have heard your instructor call out the steps like “Quick, quick, slow.” This may be good for the Texas Two-Step, but it is not great spiritual advice as we dance before Christ our Lord. Here are three steps that will surely please our Master. Step 1 QUICK TO LISTEN Reading James 1:19 made me think of the theme for this article. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry ...” (James 1:19 NIV) Many times, I am Slow, Quick, Quick. Perfectly opposite the directive we find here, it does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry is a perfect description of me in my earlier days as a Christ-follower. Then, I became a bi-vocational ministry leader and took this Christian walk more seriously. I was admonished by Scripture, especially the Book of James. “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” (James 1:22 NIV) While this idea is good for all Christ-followers, it is especially important for any Christian vocational or marketplace leader. Just like in a dance, there is a right order of operations to ensure a smooth, graceful flow of the Holy Spirit through us and unto others. It is so easy for intelligent leaders to finish other people’s sentences for them. Either out loud or silently, we all have done it. “I know where this is headed” is our corresponding thought as our mind wanders off to formulate a response to what we are hearing. “Not so fast,” Scripture instructs us. Listen and carefully hear what is being said. We need to hear the words and the meaning below them. This demands our full attention. Earlier this year, a friend told me he wanted a party at home. He described his vision for the gathering: “I’d like to have some friends over as a real casual thing.” I completely missed the words “some” and “casual,” and my brain went right to a solution. “I’ll send out an invite to my network,” I offered. Ted said “yes” without realizing exactly what that meant, for he did not understand, nor did I explain, the sizable network I was planning to access. My “instant idea” was to introduce my new friend to many other friends and acquaintances. After all, wouldn’t that be a good thing? My promotion of the party went well and produced a result that I thought was fantastic: 50 people confirmed for the party tomorrow at Ted’s house. However, yesterday, I asked him if he was pleased with the guest list. Then, he told me how unhappy his wife was with such a large crowd coming to his home to eat. His vision was a small, intimate gathering of friends, not a big party. Ouch! I was slow to listen and completely missed the mark. How often does that happen to you? Are you doing your own dance moves like I sometimes still do, or are you dancing in step with the Holy Spirit? If you need to be “quicker to listen” like me, what actions can you take to do so? If you already have the “quick to listen” part down, how can you help us “Ready, Fire, Aim” kind of leaders to slow down and better hear what you are saying? We all can improve in this area, can’t we? Being quick to listen is the mark of a mature Christ-follower. Especially for those in leadership, we need to model this behavior of “Quick, Slow, Slow” to others. For those who have already accomplished the “Quick to Listen” part, you can help others by speaking up when you are not being fully understood. The technique that works well in both cases is called “Active Listening.” Grossly over-simplified, here is what you can do to practice this. Repeat what you are hearing to the speaker, paraphrasing what is being said to ensure you are hearing correctly. When someone does that for you, be vocal about correcting the paraphrased statement if that is not what you are saying. Often, the differences are very nuanced, and we must listen carefully and pay full attention to picking up subtle cues that can mean big differences in outcomes. Step 2 SLOW to speak Here is the first of two admonitions to go “slow.” I’ve never been accused of being slow to speak. I only wish that would happen. I love jumping into the conversation, and it is only lately, over these past few years, that you could say I’m beginning to be more reserved when it comes to speaking what is on my mind. I’ve found what you probably already know about being slow to speak. If you are anything like most leaders, what to say comes naturally to you. It is easy to speak our minds, for God wired most of us with the gift of speaking our thoughts out loud. After all, that is the only way I know that we can lead others. We can’t expect them to read our minds, but can we? However, there are several skills that we must master to be the most effective leaders we can be, for Christ’s ultimate glory and honor. Some of them that come to mind for me to improve in are:
James 1:26 hits home. While I don’t consider myself religious, and nor do I want to be, this passage clearly speaks to me. For me, religion is a set of “dos” and “don’ts” that can cause me to become spiritually prideful. I can develop a long list of great things I am doing and tout those things for you to say: “Look at me. Do you see what a great Christ-follower I am?” Yet, God intends me to have a governor on my tongue and not do that or any variation on the theme of being loose-lipped about anything that may puff me up or put someone down. I feel complete freedom in encouraging Christ-followers and non-believers alike to deepen their relationship with God. I want those leaders in the Christian faith to continue growing into more obedient followers of the Way shown to us by Jesus Christ. I am free to encourage those who have not yet put their faith in Christ with the words of wisdom found in 1 Peter Chapter 3. “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” (1 Peter 3:15-16 NIV) Gentleness and respect are excellent guardrails to keep me interfacing with others in a manner that honors Christ Jesus. If I am slow to speak, then Christ-followers will be edified, as will those who have not accepted Jesus Christ. My witness honors God when I keep tight control over the words that come out of my mouth. And, of course, that implies that I am also controlling my thoughts, for out of my heart and mind spring forth my words. May they be a blessing to all who hear them. Step 3 SLOW - To become angry I’ve never been accused of going slow. Yet, “slow” is often a Godly trait, as in the case of becoming angry. In the case of James 1:19, “slow to become angry” is a mark of spiritual maturity. However, some of us have a mistaken view of anger, which can manifest in many different forms. There are many types of anger. Here are ten, on a continuum, from slight anger of “annoyed” to all-out “livid” rage:
Do I speak out loud when I am angry? Do I keep quiet but sin in my heart against someone? Even if I am just annoyed, what I do with that annoyance has the biggest impact on my spiritual condition. Here are some shades of slight anger that I normally don’t think of as “anger.” For example, sometimes you feel annoyed. That is from the same emotional family as “Frustrated” or “Enraged.” This shade of anger includes “Ruffled, disturbed, disgruntled, discontented, agitated, upset, provoked, offended, chafed, bothered, peeved, vexed, exasperated, irked, perturbed, and displeased.” The good news is that anger is not necessarily a sin. It is what we do with our anger that matters. Ephesians 4:26 is a comforting scripture for those who get easily annoyed: “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ... “ (Ephesians 4:26 NIV) So, it is not necessarily a sin if you’re annoyed, irritated, or aggravated. “What are you doing with that anger?” is the question to answer. There is a solution for an angry feeling. The short answer for me is to “give it to God.” When I have feelings of anger, I can try to deal with them on my own in my flesh, or I can give them to God and trust Him with the outcome. I can safely express my feelings to God, who always understands how I feel and will always calm me down and comfort me if I let Him. My flesh does not handle anger well. However, the Holy Spirit inside of me does. I just need to yield to the pull of God and resist the pull of my sinful nature. When I do sin, I must confess it quickly to God and then make amends with the person who experienced my anger. Thank God for this wonderful solution that Christ has given to us who follow Him. Be “slow” to become angry by staying connected to Christ. And I’ll remind myself and you, “The more I pray, the better my day!” It’s a saying worth remembering and practicing daily. My daily quiet time is irreplaceable as a spiritual growth tool and means to connect with Christ. Every day, I spend an hour in a quiet time of prayer, meditation on His Word, and journaling. This helps me to start my day in the right way. This is not a panacea for anger issues, but it helps greatly. CONCLUSION This “quick, slow, slow” dance instruction from the Lord applies in every situation. “Quick, Slow, Slow; “Quick, Slow, Slow.” Christ Jesus is teaching me how to dance through life. He wants us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. May it be so. Your aspiring servant, Daniel M. June 19, 2024 POSTSCRIPT: Dear friends, if this transparent “Conversations with Christ” blesses you, please go to www.SOLIDpastors.org, where you will find these posted, and a repository of all, in English and Spanish. If you ever want to chat, you can reach me at [email protected]. May Christ bless you richly as you have your own intimate conversations with Christ. Eliminiating Discord from Our Marriages
Our heavenly Father created the institution of marriage to provide for us in many different ways. We have this “companion for life” that helps us grow into the person Christ wants us to become. The end goal is for us to shine bright as an encouragement to each other and an attractive beacon of hope to those who do not know Christ. As Christ-followers, we are told to be grateful for everything and not complain or quarrel about anything. “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ...” Philippians 2:14-15 For marriage to work as Christ intended, we must practice this with our spouse. GRUMBLING AND ARGUING There is a broad array of nuanced versions of “grumbling,” from slight whispers of murmurs and various degrees of whining to full-on blasts of a heated argument. "Don't grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!" James 5:9 NIV The point is that Christ Jesus does not want us to create strife with each other, and grumbling is a warning sign that strife is on the doorstep, just waiting to come inside and create a mess. And, as James 5:9 states, Christ, the righteous judge of all, is also on the doorstep. Whenever there is strife, I must look at my part, for surely I have one. It always takes two to have strife. I’ll always have a part, no matter how small. And usually, it is not small at all! INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL GRUMBLING There are those who are expressers and will complain out loud to their spouse and those who are internal grumblers whose thoughts are filled with complaints. Either way, we are told not to do this. Similarly, some argue out loud, while others take a passive-aggressive approach to conflict. Either way leads to strife in the marriage, and we are instructed by God’s Word to avoid the slightest bit of grumbling, out loud, or in silence. For those of us who like to talk, we have Ephesians 4:29 to govern what we say. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs ..." Ephesians 4:29a NIV For those of us who silently grumble, we have Colossians 3:13 to keep us on track. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 NIV Instead of complaining or arguing with our spouses, we need to have an outlet for our disappointments and dissatisfactions. The answer is not to stuff or repress our feelings. We have Christ Jesus, who is always willing to listen to us, hear what we have to say and give us guidance and direction. POSITIVE BEHAVIOR All too often, we try to handle the complaints or disagreements in our own strength, which is another way of saying that we are in our flesh. Failing to let the Holy Spirit lead us never results in the best outcome. We need to go to Christ first, with our complaint or grumbling, and work through it with the Holy Spirit before we go to our spouse. Failing to do this leads to less-than-ideal results (to say the least), which creates strife in the marriage. Far too often, I try to change my wife to “help” her grow and develop. After all, I’m a coach who helps people do this all day long. Well, this does not work well in my marriage. I must ask Christ to help Patty grow. The good news: Going to Christ grows my prayer life and intimacy with Him by doing so. When I fail to go to Christ first and solve things in my flesh, I often find myself having to confess this as a sin, seek Christ’s forgiveness, and then make amends to Patty. My emotional impulse is to try to solve the tension, and I often add to it. We have a great outlet in Christ if we just use it more. FREEDOM FROM STRIFE Many marriages have a continually low level of strife that saps the energy of the couple and serves to distract from the work set before Christ-followers: The Great Commission. Satan and his demons work overtime on the marriages of Christ-followers, and we need to recognize that the enemy is satan (lowercase “S” intentionally). Our spouse is not our enemy, but when we feel attacked by complaints or grumblings, we can easily get fooled into thinking that our spouse is attacking us. If we want freedom from all strife in our marriages, we have to realize who the real enemy is and not get hooked on complaining or grumbling about our spouse, either out loud or silently. CONCLUSION As conceived by Christ, marriage is a sacred bond, a union where two people come together to grow spiritually and support each other in life's journey. While challenges are inevitable in any relationship, we are reminded through scripture that constant complaining and arguing are not the tools that foster growth or unity. Rather, they serve as distractions that detract from our greater purpose and mission as Christ-followers. By redirecting our complaints, grumblings, and dissatisfactions to Christ and seeking guidance through the Holy Spirit, we can address our concerns in a more constructive manner. In doing so, we fortify our bond with our spouse and strengthen our connection with Christ, allowing us to shine brightly as beacons of love, understanding, and peace. Remember, the real battle isn't with our spouse but with external forces trying to weaken our unity. Embracing this perspective can transform our marriages, enabling them to thrive in the grace and wisdom of Christ. P.S. Here are scriptures I found on the subject, for those that want to delve deeper into this subject.
May God bless our marriages. Amen. Your aspiring servant, Daniel M. June 06, 2024 POSTSCRIPT: Dear friends, if this transparent “Conversations with Christ” blesses you, please go to www.SOLIDpastors.org, where you will find these posted, and a repository of all, in English and Spanish. If you ever want to chat, you can reach me at [email protected]. May Christ bless you richly as you have your own intimate conversations with Christ. |
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