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Eliminiating Discord from Our Marriages
Our heavenly Father created the institution of marriage to provide for us in many different ways. We have this “companion for life” that helps us grow into the person Christ wants us to become. The end goal is for us to shine bright as an encouragement to each other and an attractive beacon of hope to those who do not know Christ. As Christ-followers, we are told to be grateful for everything and not complain or quarrel about anything. “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ...” Philippians 2:14-15 For marriage to work as Christ intended, we must practice this with our spouse. GRUMBLING AND ARGUING There is a broad array of nuanced versions of “grumbling,” from slight whispers of murmurs and various degrees of whining to full-on blasts of a heated argument. "Don't grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!" James 5:9 NIV The point is that Christ Jesus does not want us to create strife with each other, and grumbling is a warning sign that strife is on the doorstep, just waiting to come inside and create a mess. And, as James 5:9 states, Christ, the righteous judge of all, is also on the doorstep. Whenever there is strife, I must look at my part, for surely I have one. It always takes two to have strife. I’ll always have a part, no matter how small. And usually, it is not small at all! INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL GRUMBLING There are those who are expressers and will complain out loud to their spouse and those who are internal grumblers whose thoughts are filled with complaints. Either way, we are told not to do this. Similarly, some argue out loud, while others take a passive-aggressive approach to conflict. Either way leads to strife in the marriage, and we are instructed by God’s Word to avoid the slightest bit of grumbling, out loud, or in silence. For those of us who like to talk, we have Ephesians 4:29 to govern what we say. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs ..." Ephesians 4:29a NIV For those of us who silently grumble, we have Colossians 3:13 to keep us on track. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 NIV Instead of complaining or arguing with our spouses, we need to have an outlet for our disappointments and dissatisfactions. The answer is not to stuff or repress our feelings. We have Christ Jesus, who is always willing to listen to us, hear what we have to say and give us guidance and direction. POSITIVE BEHAVIOR All too often, we try to handle the complaints or disagreements in our own strength, which is another way of saying that we are in our flesh. Failing to let the Holy Spirit lead us never results in the best outcome. We need to go to Christ first, with our complaint or grumbling, and work through it with the Holy Spirit before we go to our spouse. Failing to do this leads to less-than-ideal results (to say the least), which creates strife in the marriage. Far too often, I try to change my wife to “help” her grow and develop. After all, I’m a coach who helps people do this all day long. Well, this does not work well in my marriage. I must ask Christ to help Patty grow. The good news: Going to Christ grows my prayer life and intimacy with Him by doing so. When I fail to go to Christ first and solve things in my flesh, I often find myself having to confess this as a sin, seek Christ’s forgiveness, and then make amends to Patty. My emotional impulse is to try to solve the tension, and I often add to it. We have a great outlet in Christ if we just use it more. FREEDOM FROM STRIFE Many marriages have a continually low level of strife that saps the energy of the couple and serves to distract from the work set before Christ-followers: The Great Commission. Satan and his demons work overtime on the marriages of Christ-followers, and we need to recognize that the enemy is satan (lowercase “S” intentionally). Our spouse is not our enemy, but when we feel attacked by complaints or grumblings, we can easily get fooled into thinking that our spouse is attacking us. If we want freedom from all strife in our marriages, we have to realize who the real enemy is and not get hooked on complaining or grumbling about our spouse, either out loud or silently. CONCLUSION As conceived by Christ, marriage is a sacred bond, a union where two people come together to grow spiritually and support each other in life's journey. While challenges are inevitable in any relationship, we are reminded through scripture that constant complaining and arguing are not the tools that foster growth or unity. Rather, they serve as distractions that detract from our greater purpose and mission as Christ-followers. By redirecting our complaints, grumblings, and dissatisfactions to Christ and seeking guidance through the Holy Spirit, we can address our concerns in a more constructive manner. In doing so, we fortify our bond with our spouse and strengthen our connection with Christ, allowing us to shine brightly as beacons of love, understanding, and peace. Remember, the real battle isn't with our spouse but with external forces trying to weaken our unity. Embracing this perspective can transform our marriages, enabling them to thrive in the grace and wisdom of Christ. P.S. Here are scriptures I found on the subject, for those that want to delve deeper into this subject.
May God bless our marriages. Amen. Your aspiring servant, Daniel M. June 06, 2024 POSTSCRIPT: Dear friends, if this transparent “Conversations with Christ” blesses you, please go to www.SOLIDpastors.org, where you will find these posted, and a repository of all, in English and Spanish. If you ever want to chat, you can reach me at [email protected]. May Christ bless you richly as you have your own intimate conversations with Christ. Comments are closed.
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