STRONGHOLDS - Part 4

MY JOURNEY - A PERSONAL TESTIMONIAL
I grew up in a moderately religious Catholic family, the oldest of three. Mom and Dad made major sacrifices to send us to 12 years of Catholic school, where I was taught about God the Father, Jesus Christ His Son, and the Holy Spirit.


As a youngster, I accepted what was taught with faith like a child and did my best to sincerely love God. However, I couldn't understand why my parents prayed on Sunday and yelled on Monday. Undeterred by a chaotic home life, I’d pray the Rosary nightly, striving to reduce the years in Purgatory before being allowed into Heaven, where I’d have peace. Even serving religiously as an altar boy at daily 6:00 am masses did not bring serenity. Hungry for God and the relief Heaven promised, I wanted to escape my abusive childhood. But freedom from this mostly unhappy childhood was elusive.


In my early teens, I became a Lectern at church, standing up front and reading from this big book. Later in life, I’d learn it was the Bible. The words I recited invoked mixed emotions of great reverence and much fear, for God seemed so huge, powerful, and unapproachable. I felt insignificant to Him, my family, and my friends. To say that I had low self-esteem is to think of the Grand Canyon as a ditch in the ground. We all have this God-shaped hole, and no matter how hard we try to fill it, nothing satisfies. But that did not stop me from trying to plug the leak in my soul.


At the age of 14, I discovered alcohol and drugs and quickly gave up trying to escape into God. My new escape eliminated the wait for heaven. I found it on Earth. No longer the child who couldn’t fit in, I discovered my identity and was accepted by a circle of kids who were also compelled to escape reality. Comfortable with my new persona as a wild child, I did everything that kept my parents up at night and on their knees. It finally got so bad that at age 18, my parents evicted me, and my life became a haze of inebriation and real-life fantasies. I rapidly climbed this ladder to the top and in less than one year became utterly miserable. I cried out for help, and my parents secured a doctor for their wayward son.


Dr. Nick Marchese helped me get sober, visualize a different ladder to climb, and introduced me to my new god: Success. Now my addiction became accomplishments, first with school, and then with jobs. And when success failed to change the way I felt, alcohol and drugs were frequent companions that eased my emotional pain and suffering. There are many substances you should not put into your body because they change the delicate balance of chemicals inside our brains. My mind started playing tricks on me, diminished my mental and emotional capacity, and drove me to greater cycles of dysfunctional behavior and self-medication.


Then, in 1981 at the age of twenty-four, I accepted Christ as my savior, got baptized, and stopped using alcohol and drugs. From 1987 to 1990, I dried out and went almost three years without self-medicating. But the stronghold of addiction came roaring back with a vengeance upon a romantic breakup. I went right back to all my self-destructive behaviors, and for the next six years, got progressively worse until one fateful day. The facade of a life I had propped up for the world to see came crashing down on top of me, and I was crushed by an unbearable weight that removed all denial and doubt. Hitting the lowest point of my life, this bottom proved to be a major turning point.


On March 4, 1996, I surrendered myself to God in a much deeper way, admitted to the world I was an alcoholic and got sober. It was then I realized my utter powerlessness over my life and everything in it. Christ may have been my savior, but He was not my Master. The master of self that I was serving turned out to be a demon I could not beat. I needed to surrender into the arms of God, which I did with complete abandon.


However, addiction still had a hold on me. It simply morphed from alcoholism to workaholism and hyper-spiritualism. I became addicted to work, my new god. It became my idol I served faithfully and was rewarded with significant success in every aspect of my life. I became a leader in Alcoholics Anonymous and worked intensely to help myself and others. As CEO of an executive coaching firm, I became a highly successful and very wealthy leadership coach. As founder of a Christian ministry, I served multitudes of church pastors to grow and develop. If you looked into any aspect of my life at that point, you would see an incredibly successful person. That is because I desperately needed you to think of me as somebody important. Everyone but me seemed to believe that lie. I knew I was still an imposter. I had what we call the “Imposter Syndrome.”


This condition prevents one from experiencing the deeper things of being a Christ-follower, namely love, joy, peace, and other fruits of the Holy Spirit whom I kept at arm’s length while I served the god of work. In 1996, after God permanently removed the stronghold of alcoholism and drug addiction from my life forever, I now became addicted to money and fame, both of which came in great abundance. As I grew and matured as a sober Christ-follower, my addiction to wealth and prestige multiplied, as did spiritual pride.


In 2015, God did for me then what I could not do for myself. The stronghold that gripped me since my teenage years seemed like it was finally broken. But much damage was done during those many years of insanity. I’ll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say that I was a very self-destructive person who was an expert at self-sabotage for anything good God would send my way. And, the stronghold that gripped me, that I thought was relieved the day I got sober, simply morphed as it often does with countless others.


Gaining a significant reputation in the Christian community as a workplace minister, I became bi-vocational and began giving back my time, talents, and treasures by serving senior pastors of churches with the gifts God gave me as a leadership coach. In 2016, at the age of 59 and a multi-millionaire, I founded a Christian ministry as a way of repaying God and overcoming the guilt of being financially wealthy. As a result of my actions, even with these imperfect motives, God rewarded me richly by allowing me to become completely broken, removing the last vestiges of this addiction stronghold, and becoming free from what I call the “ism” of addiction. It takes many forms. It first manifested itself as alcoholism in my youth, and spiritual pride-ism in these later years. Along the way, workaholism was a constant enabler and perpetuator of the many lies that made up this complicated stronghold.


I empathize with those who believe that self-driven solutions can break the stronghold of addiction. However, for me, the truth is that only the Holy Spirit can dismantle the intricate web of lies that Satan and his demons weave into someone afflicted with addiction. There exists a panacea and cure-all for this hopeless state of body, mind, and spirit: an intimate, personal relationship with God. Yet, half-measures are ineffective. I've found that I must be 100% surrendered to God, or the stronghold will persist. 99% will not suffice.


Today, I am thrilled to celebrate my 28th year of sobriety, and I can confidently say that the stronghold of addiction has been permanently shattered. I understand that claiming "forever" is bold, and asserting that I am "completely recovered" may sound audacious. However, I know that God has accomplished for me what I could not achieve alone. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has utterly broken this stronghold of addiction. I am no longer swayed by others' words or actions, and I can genuinely affirm that I am almost entirely comfortable in my own skin, although sharing this testimony still makes me a bit uneasy. I still find discomfort unsettling.


Every day, I am granted a reprieve from my former stronghold. It is my responsibility to maintain a fit spiritual condition. If I allow Satan's demons to repossess me and reestablish this negative influence, it will be because I failed to adhere to the crucial daily routine that God has bestowed upon me. Then, I immerse myself in reading the Bible and other spiritual texts that remind me of my identity (a child of God) and my allegiance (to the Maker, Master, and Ruler of the Universe), our Father who art in Heaven. Holy is His Name. His kingdom is unseen but omnipresent, including within me. He completely governs me if I allow Him. To do so, I require this daily period of prayer, meditation, and journaling to recollect the Truths of God and evade the lies of Satan. This is my daily reprieve.


As vital as it has been for me to acknowledge the presence of absolute good, God, it has been equally crucial to acknowledge the reality of absolute evil, which seeks to harm me, ensnare me in strongholds, and deceive me into believing that I am cured when, in reality, I only have a daily respite by remaining under the protection of Almighty God. Today, I swiftly recognize if I have given the enemy even the slightest foothold. I promptly turn away from pursuing my own desires and embrace the ways of God, which bring love, joy, and peace that transcend all human understanding.


I will conclude with one of my favorite quotes from the spiritual literature I regularly read: "God is everything, or He is nothing. May you find Him now. Amen."
​

Your aspiring servant, Daniel M.
March 04, 2024
POSTSCRIPT: Dear friends, if this daily, transparent “Conversations with Christ” blesses you, please go to www.SOLIDpastors.org, where you will find these posted, and a repository of all, in English and Spanish. If you ever want to chat, you can reach me at [email protected]. May Christ bless you richly as you have your own intimate, daily conversations with Christ.